I’ll be upfront with you, writing this feels a little like talking myself out of a job. But after twenty years of working in HR, there are things that need to be said, and I’d rather say them honestly than pretend everything is fine.
The world of work has changed significantly over the past decade, and not entirely for the better. Employment law, however well-intentioned, has become so complex and so weighted that many employers are quietly questioning whether taking on staff is worth the risk. That is a serious problem, and one the industry needs to reckon with. But it’s not the thing keeping me up at night.
What I want to talk about is something far more basic, the erosion of common courtesy.
A Job Title Is Not an Invitation to Be Rude
In recent years, I’ve noticed an increase in hostility from employees before a single conversation has even taken place. People arrive at meetings or send emails already on the attack, having decided who I am and what I represent before they’ve given me a chance to say a word. It’s not frustration I’m describing, frustration is understandable and entirely human. It’s something more deliberate than that.
Here is what shocks me the most: some people behave this way and genuinely don’t realise it’s a problem. They copy their manager into aggressive correspondence, apparently confident that their tone will be seen as justified. What they don’t seem to consider is that the person on the receiving end is a professional simply doing their job.
I don’t think that basic point should need making, and yet, here we are.
Emotion Is Not Evidence
One of the most consistent patterns I’ve seen over the years is the belief that an emotional argument carries more weight than an evidenced one. It doesn’t. It never has.
Employment matters, by their nature, require objectivity. That doesn’t mean feelings aren’t valid, they absolutely are, but feelings alone don’t determine outcomes. When someone leads with anger or distress rather than reasoned argument, they are not strengthening their case. They are weakening it.
When that approach fails, as it inevitably does, it tends to reinforce a narrative that HR is the enemy. The person walks away feeling that the system is stacked against them, when in reality their own conduct may have undermined them from the start. It becomes a cycle that is genuinely difficult to break, and it serves nobody.
This is why I’ve always believed that setting clear behavioural expectations in meetings isn’t confrontational, it’s necessary. Asking someone to pause and regroup, or explaining that a certain tone isn’t something I’m willing to accept, isn’t about winning a power struggle. It’s about keeping the conversation productive enough to actually help them.
Calling Out Poor Behaviour Is an Act of Kindness
There is a school of thought that says it’s easier and kinder to let things go, to absorb the hostility, manage it quietly, and move on. I’ve never agreed with that approach.
When poor behaviour goes unchallenged, it sends a message that the behaviour works. It tells someone that aggression is an effective strategy, and they carry that lesson forward into every future interaction, with employers, with colleagues, with anyone they perceive as being in a position of authority over them. That isn’t doing them any favours.
Addressing it clearly, calmly, and professionally is the more respectful thing to do. It treats the person as capable of better. It protects the integrity of the process. And it prevents a pattern from becoming entrenched.
I am not interested in winning arguments or asserting authority for its own sake. I am interested in having conversations that are actually useful, and that requires both parties to show up with a basic level of respect.
This Is a Wider Conversation
I don’t think this is unique to my experience. Talking to colleagues and peers across HR and senior management, the picture is consistent: these situations are becoming more frequent and more difficult to navigate. The shift in how people communicate, particularly in the years since the pandemic, has had a real impact on professional interactions, and HR professionals are absorbing a significant amount of that.
If you’re reading this and nodding along, you’re not imagining it, and you’re not alone.
And if you’re reading this as an employee who has ever fired off an angry email before stopping to consider the person receiving it, I’d ask you to think twice next time. HR exists to support people through genuinely difficult situations. It works better when there’s a degree of good faith on both sides.
That’s not a big ask. It’s just basic decency.
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Natalie Ellis HR 