I need to talk about something that’s been troubling me for a while now. It’s not about employment law, tribunal statistics, or compliance issues – though those are all connected. It’s about something far more fundamental: basic professional courtesy seems to be disappearing from our workplaces, and it’s making everyone’s lives significantly harder.
As someone who’s spent the last two decades in HR, I’ve seen workplace dynamics shift in countless ways. But this particular change – the erosion of simple, decent communication between colleagues, between employees and managers, between people – is perhaps the most concerning of all.
The Silent Treatment: A Growing Trend
Here’s what I’m seeing with increasing frequency: an employee has a concern or feels aggrieved about something. Rather than raising it directly with their manager or through proper channels, they simply shut down. They stop communicating. They refuse to engage. And then, weeks or months later, HR receives a formal grievance or – worse – an employment tribunal claim about issues the employer never even knew existed.
Or there’s this scenario: a manager notices performance issues and attempts to have a conversation. The employee doesn’t respond to meeting invitations, goes off sick, or simply refuses to discuss the matter. The employer is left in limbo, unable to address the situation, unable to support the employee, and increasingly vulnerable to potential claims.
This isn’t about one or two isolated incidents. Forty percent of employees worldwide believe there is a lack of collaboration and communication in their company, and 86% of employees cite the lack of effective collaboration and communication as the main cause of workplace failures. These aren’t just numbers – they represent real workplace relationships breaking down in real time.
When Did We Stop Talking to Each Other?
I understand that having difficult conversations isn’t easy. I truly do. It’s uncomfortable to tell your manager you’re unhappy. It’s nerve-wracking to raise concerns about your workload or a colleague’s behaviour. It can feel daunting to admit you’re struggling or that you’ve made a mistake.
But when did we collectively decide that silence was the better option?
Only 13% of employees seem to agree that their organisation’s management communicates effectively with the rest of the company, and 96% of employees say that they’d like a more empathetic approach to communication in the workplace. There’s clearly a disconnect here, and it’s creating a vicious cycle. Poor communication breeds distrust, distrust breeds more silence, and silence breeds problems that could have been easily resolved if someone had just… talked.
The Real-World Consequences
Let me paint you a picture of what this breakdown in communication actually looks like from where I’m sitting.
For Employees: You’re unhappy at work. Perhaps you feel overlooked for a promotion, or your workload feels unmanageable, or you don’t get on with a new manager. Rather than raising it, you let it fester. Your performance might slip, or you start taking more sick days, or you simply become disengaged. Eventually, you leave or file a grievance. But by then, the relationship is damaged beyond repair, and any resolution feels hollow because so much resentment has built up.
For Employers: You genuinely want to be a good employer. You’ve noticed an employee seems unhappy or their performance has dipped, so you try to arrange a meeting to understand what’s going on and see how you can help. They don’t respond. They go off sick. They make a grievance against you for… trying to have a performance conversation? You’re now walking on eggshells, unable to manage your business effectively, and facing potential tribunal claims for situations you were actively trying to resolve.
For HR: We’re stuck in the middle, trying to facilitate conversations between people who won’t talk to each other. We’re attempting to investigate grievances about issues that could have been resolved with a simple conversation months ago. We’re managing tribunal claims that never needed to happen. And we’re exhausted from trying to manufacture dialogue where one or both parties have completely shut down.
The Tribunal Time Bomb
Here’s what should concern everyone: the number of claims in employment tribunals is heading ever upwards with total receipts in Q2 2024 up 13%, and the number of open employment tribunal cases has also increased, by 18% in Q2 2024.
Over 420,000 open claims at the start of 2025 were recorded by the Ministry of Justice. That’s not a typo. Four hundred and twenty thousand employment tribunal claims.
Now, I’m not suggesting all of these claims are frivolous or could have been avoided with better communication. Many are entirely legitimate. But having worked in this field for years, I can tell you with absolute certainty that a significant proportion of these cases stem from a fundamental breakdown in workplace communication and a reluctance to address issues early.
And here’s the kicker: between April 2023 and March 2024, there were 97,958 employee-led ACAS early conciliation cases, with a steady rise in notifications throughout this period. Early conciliation exists precisely to help parties resolve disputes before reaching tribunal. The fact that so many cases reach even this stage suggests that internal communication channels are failing at an alarming rate.
What Professional Courtesy Actually Looks Like
Let me be crystal clear about what I mean by professional courtesy, because I’m not asking for the impossible here. I’m talking about basic, decent workplace behaviour that benefits everyone:
If you’re an employee and you have a concern:
- Raise it with your manager first. Give them a chance to address it.
- If you’re not comfortable speaking to your manager, speak to HR.
- Put things in writing if that feels safer, but please, actually communicate the issue.
- If you need to raise a formal grievance, do so, but don’t wait until you’ve been festering for months and the relationship is destroyed.
- Respond to meeting invitations, even if it’s just to say you need more time or would like representation.
If you’re an employer or manager and you have a concern:
- Approach difficult conversations with empathy and an open mind.
- Don’t assume the worst – there might be a perfectly reasonable explanation.
- Make it clear you’re trying to understand and support, not attack or punish.
- Give employees time to process and respond, especially to difficult topics.
- Document your attempts to communicate and the outcomes (or lack thereof).
For everyone:
- Assume good faith until proven otherwise.
- Remember that the person on the other side is human, with their own pressures and concerns.
- Don’t let issues fester – address them early when they’re small and manageable.
- Be honest about what you’re feeling and what you need.
- Listen properly when someone is trying to talk to you.
The Cost of Silence
The breakdown in professional courtesy isn’t just making HR’s life difficult – it’s costing everyone dearly.
Poor communication has led to a decline in confidence among knowledge workers, with 31% now reporting a lack of confidence in 2024, up from 20% just two years ago. Employee confidence matters. When people don’t feel they can raise concerns or have open conversations, they lose faith in their employer, their colleagues, and ultimately in themselves.
Poor communication in the workplace reportedly accounts for a loss of 7.47 hours per employee, per week. Think about that. Nearly a full working day lost every single week because people aren’t communicating effectively. That’s productivity haemorrhaging away because we’ve forgotten how to talk to each other.
And let’s not forget the emotional cost. Fifty-three percent of people have experienced burnout, stress, and fatigue due to communication breakdowns in their business, and over half (51%) of knowledge workers report experiencing increased stress due to poor communication.
It’s Not About Being Weak
I suspect part of the problem is that somewhere along the line, we’ve conflated “raising concerns” with “being difficult” or “complaining.” We’ve made people feel that speaking up makes them seem weak, unprofessional, or troublesome.
Let me be absolutely clear: raising a genuine workplace concern in a professional manner is not weak. It’s not complaining. It’s actually incredibly brave and mature. It’s taking responsibility for your own wellbeing and trying to find a solution.
What is problematic is letting things build up until you’re so angry or distressed that any conversation becomes impossible. What damages workplaces is going straight to formal processes without giving anyone a chance to simply put things right. What creates toxic environments is people refusing to engage at all and then blaming everyone else when situations escalate.
The Employment Rights Bill Will Make This Worse
I need to be honest about something: the upcoming changes in employment law are going to make the stakes even higher. The Employment Rights Bill is proposing to remove the two-year qualifying period for unfair dismissal claims, meaning that if this passes, employees will be protected from day one, giving employers even less protections and this is one of the reasons why we are seeing so many redundancies. It’s also extending the time limit for bringing tribunal claims from three to six months.
I support worker protections – genuinely. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: these changes will likely lead to even more tribunal claims unless we collectively get better at communicating with each other in the workplace. That means not avoiding managing people, or putting off difficult conversations.
When employees have more rights and more time to bring claims, the cost of communication breakdown becomes even higher for employers. And that, in turn, will make some employers more cautious, more nervous, potentially less willing to take chances on people or have honest conversations about performance.
This isn’t fear-mongering. This is reality. And the only way to prevent it from becoming a nightmare for everyone is to rebuild professional courtesy in our workplaces.
A Plea for Common Sense
Look, I know the working world is tough right now. Cost of living pressures are real. Job security feels precarious. Trust in employers has been eroded by years of austerity, redundancies, and broken promises. I get all of that. I truly do.
But we have to find a way back to basic communication. We have to remember that, in most cases, the person across the table from you isn’t your enemy – they’re someone trying to navigate the same difficult circumstances as you, just from a different position.
To employees: Your employer can’t fix problems they don’t know about. They can’t adjust your workload if you don’t tell them you’re struggling. They can’t address a colleague’s behaviour if you suffer in silence. Give them a chance. Talk to them. And if they prove themselves unworthy of that trust, then absolutely pursue whatever formal processes you need to. But please, at least try.
To employers: Create environments where people feel safe raising concerns. Respond positively when someone comes to you with a problem – even if the conversation is difficult. Train your managers to handle sensitive conversations properly. And when someone does shut down or refuse to engage, keep trying. Document your efforts, but keep the door open for dialogue.
We’re All In This Together
The erosion of professional courtesy in workplaces isn’t a problem we can solve overnight. It’s been building for years, fuelled by economic pressure, changes in working patterns, and a general breakdown in social trust. But we can start making it better, one conversation at a time.
The next time you have a workplace concern, before you draft that grievance or go off sick or simply stop responding to emails, ask yourself: have I actually told anyone about this problem? Have I given my employer a fair chance to address it? Could this potentially be resolved with an honest conversation?
And the next time an employee comes to you with a concern, before you get defensive or dismissive, ask yourself: what’s really going on here? What are they actually trying to tell me? How can I help resolve this before it escalates?
Professional courtesy isn’t about being a pushover or accepting poor treatment. It’s about treating each other like human beings, communicating openly and honestly, and giving each other the benefit of the doubt until we have reason not to.
It’s about remembering that we’re all just trying to get through the working week without making ourselves or each other miserable. And right now, silence and shutdown are making everyone utterly miserable.
We can do better than this. We must do better than this.
Because the alternative – a world where every workplace issue ends up in tribunal, where employees and employers view each other with suspicion rather than good faith, where HR spends all their time managing disputes rather than building great workplaces – well, that’s a world none of us should want to live in.
So let’s talk to each other. Properly. Honestly. With courtesy and with courage.
Our workplaces – and our collective wellbeing – depend on it.
What’s your experience with workplace communication? Have you noticed this breakdown in professional courtesy, or do you think I’m off the mark? I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts – because this conversation is one we all need to be having.
Natalie Ellis HR 